funny

Why the cold is driving me nuts but I don’t need a straitjacket

27 January 2012

I once thought cold meant putting a cardy on. Or switching to the winter duvet.

Winter Coat

I don't need a straitjacket, honest, I just need one of these.

I didn’t realise cold meant frozen dog poo in the garden, missing digits and toes and the onset of insanity. I’d iced cakes (and de-iced them when the icing was less than exemplary), but I’d never de-iced my car before. The first morning I needed to do it before driving up the M3 to work, I took it on the chin like the big girl I am.

I cried.  Read more... (549 words, 3 images, estimated 2:12 mins reading time)

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Tech Confusion

23 January 2012

My 74 year old mother has never been one for technology. She says it confuses her.

brain

Brain Drain

But being that she’s living in the technological age, and that she lives in technology savvy Australia, technology has started to make an impact on her life, whether she likes it or not.

First there was the whiz bang answering machine, that is purposefully looped as my Mum is hard of hearing. Then came the new TV, and laptop and medical wizardry. Luckily (for me and this blog! Though it wouldn’t be a problem if she read it, would it? Love you Mum!) she is still on dial-up, but technology is creeping into her life so quickly it is surely only a matter of time until she is whizzing along the WWW.  Read more... (566 words, 1 image, estimated 2:16 mins reading time)

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Wardrobe Malfunctions and the Death of Professionalism

20 January 2012

I’ve learnt to be super careful when I go to London for work.

bra

My cup runneth over and made for the door

It’s not that I’m concerned about my own personal safety, or health (though I often need to wash the grime off my fingers when I return. The Tube is filthy!) No, I learnt early on that I needed to dress carefully.

I’ve become quite slack in my work day dress. It’s not that I work in my PJs or even type in the bath, but I typically wear trousers and casual long sleeved t-shirts. Not clothes that scream professionalism, but then I live in a very non-descript little North Hampshire town, we’re not big on workwear here, unless it’s fluorescent yellow ‘Elf and Safety vests.  Read more... (719 words, 1 image, estimated 2:53 mins reading time)

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A Pain in the Bum

13 January 2012

Going to the doctors is  fraught with danger.

stethoscope

Sorry, my hands are a little cold!

I hate it so much I put off making an appointment. I effectively have to be really sick, not just sick-note sick, to ring and commit, and once I’ve made that appointment that’s when my anxiety kicks in. I cut back on the evening vino, I try to get enough sleep, I even try to get in a run, or lose half a stone. They say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and if there’s one thing I have – about a myriad of things – it’s a ‘little knowledge’.  Read more... (606 words, 1 image, estimated 2:25 mins reading time)

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The Unbearable Lightness of becoming

9 January 2012

I wrote a blog post last year about how to lose one million kilos in a week.

running

Running's like having a baby without an epidural. The end result is pretty good, but the labour hurts!

Funnily enough that blog post has had a huge amount of traffic over the past week as everyone gets back to their normal routine the equivalent of 50 Christmas puddings x 5 = heavier.  Read more... (975 words, 1 image, estimated 3:54 mins reading time)

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Pardon?

5 January 2012

I’m not often misunderstood.

ear

Ears on. Eh what?

Whether that’s because I communicate in the universal language of exasperation ($£%&) or whether it’s due to the ten years I studied Speech and Drama through Trinity College London, I’m not sure. One thing I do know is that in all the time I’m lived in the UK my accent hasn’t caused me many problems.  Read more... (525 words, 1 image, estimated 2:06 mins reading time)

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Die Laughing This Happy New Year

30 December 2011

I’ve a special treat to help see in the New Year. fireworks london

I’ve bundled up some of the funniest posts of 2011 into a nice little ebook that you can read and guffaw over.

Read all about how I seduced a pensioner in the supermarket, or how you can figure out if ‘tonight’s the night’!

Just sign up for Vegemitevix’s email news (I’ll send it when I get around to writing it, hokay?) and you can have my very first attempt at epublishing.

Why?

Because we like you, you wacky Mousketeer, you!  Read more... (138 words, 1 image, estimated 33 secs reading time)

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Mine’s bigger than yours

30 December 2011

Mine’s bigger, better, and more complicated than yours.

panet earth

2012- Vegemitevix saves Planet Earth

In fact this year it includes becoming a Michelin chef, running the London marathon, and becoming the shortest ever woman to climb Mt Everest! That’s in between running my global social media enterprise, teaching flamenco dancing in Tenerife and fostering a couple of African kids. Nay, dammit I’ll go the whole bloody hog and foster the whole bloody village of African kids!

Yup, my New Year’s resolutions are a truck load better than yours.  Read more... (820 words, 1 image, estimated 3:17 mins reading time)

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How Not to Wrap a Christmas Present

19 December 2011

I’ve been doing a lot of this lately, so I’ve written a wee guide.

wrapping paper

Yes your Xmas presents can look beautiful too, follow Vegemitevix's trusty guide

You can follow along at home. To play, you’ll need some sellotape (sticky tape, doesn’t have to be the branded stuff), wrapping paper (the cheaper the better), and some odd shaped presents.

First assemble your tools, pop on Michael Buble’s latest Christmas CD and pour yourself a cup of coffee, and prepare yourself and your operating theatre. Ready? Let’s begin.  Read more... (926 words, 1 image, estimated 3:42 mins reading time)

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Was It Good For You?

13 December 2011

It’s like socks. wasitgood

Everyone seems to have some, but I can never seem to find it.

But last night I did.

And. It. Was. Good.

I wasn’t expecting much, after all I’ve been to bed with great expectations and been disappointed many times before. The situation was never quite right. The room was too hot, or too cold. It was too light, or too dark. My Englishman was working late on the laptop beside me, or worse, he wasn’t there at all.  Read more... (362 words, 1 image, estimated 1:27 mins reading time)

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