The lights are low, you’re ready, he’s ready and the stage is set for lovin.
You’ve carefully dressed and applied a little flattering makeup, and practised your nonchalent smile. But there’s nothing nonchalent about it. You haven’t touched him in months, this is what you have together, for now…. You’re excited, you’re nervous, you’re busting to see him, talk to him…You stretch out on your double bed and push your button. The familiar ringing tone of Skype peals through the quiet night, like church bells announcing the marital union of young lovers.
Before too long, his face appears on your laptop screen and your heart skips a beat. There’s something in that look on his face, that tells you this time together – you here and him on the other side of the world – is going to be special and intimate.
“Just a min, I’ll close the door” you whisper.
And then you and he talk and show love in the somewhat bizarre, but neccessary ways that long-distance lovers do, secure in the knowledge that Skype is one of the most respected private instant messaging and VOIP platforms available. It’s not as if you’re putting your most vulnerable intimate thoughts out there into the internet.
Or is it?
Alarmingly, Skype revealed this week that their engineers are working on a bug that can see private IM messages sent to the wrong customer.
I’ve been in that long distance relationship, I’ve relied on that private line to my lover, when my Englishman lived in the UK and I was still living 19,000 kms away in New Zealand. Skype provided us with a very real way of keeping in touch – not just with the householdy stuff, but with the ahem, more personal stuff too.
In those long months of living apart, Skype was nothing short of a lifeline for our relationship.
The only problem was the aching desire to actually feel him, skin against skin, lips against lips, but knowing that was impossible we made do with what we had – face to face communication and absolute trust in the privacy of our messaging platform.
Until now, that is. With Skype’s announcement last week, I’ve started to feel a little tetchy about those very private conversations we had. Not to worry, says the official advise from Skype – the problem only occurs when a Skype user’s session crashes, and that doesn’t happen all that much!
When it does happen, in a few rare cases only, Skype stresses, the last IM can be sent to the wrong customer.
Which is fine as long as your last IM wasn’t:
‘I love you so much darling I wish I could reach out and stroke your ****’ or your right royal wish to be your lover’s tampon, or something!
AND it was sent to your Mum in Australia by mistake.
Or worse, that little greebly faceless man with the tangled ear hairs and snotty beard living in Norway.
In slightly better (though creepier) news a fix for that desire to touch your long distance lover was also announced this week. Pucker up and welcome, the Kissenger.…
With two of these lip-eggs and a phone connection, long-distance lovers can er, pucker up. Created by the zany Singaporean company, Lovotics, the lip-egg is strictly meant for lip-loving NOT for anything sexual. Lovers simply wrap their kissers around their own home-lips and through the wizardry of modern robotics they can feel facsimile movement of their lover’s lips. Nifty huh?
Of course I have so many questions for the developers.
Why does it look like Mr Potato Head?
Why doesn’t it have eyes?
Can it do tongue?
But perhaps most importantly of all…..how do users know they are kissing their lover, and not some weird little bloke in Norway?
Image:Flickr CC http://www.flickr.com/photos/rachel-johnson/4315275678/sizes/s/in/photostream/ Pucker Up – http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/118601-Terrifying-Kissing-Device-Enables-Long-Distance-Love-Sort-Of