It’s been a bit of a hard one, this week. I’m knackered. I feel pulled in so many directions, and I’m exhausted with it. I tried to stay up late last night to get through work, but alas at 1100 my eyelids slunk into their frames like the sun slinks into the horizon.
Too tired for rational thought.
Too spent to care.
Have you ever felt that tired?
I remember when I was in the recovery room after giving birth to my son, 19 years ago now, and I was so exhausted I jumped at the suggestion that my newborn was taken up to the warmth of the ward. A pc midwife turned on me and snarled: ‘Have you never had a night without sleep before? What’s wrong with you? You’ll never bond with the baby!”
I didn’t reply, even though my mind was running through apologies – the many nights I’d stayed awake to finish this project or that deal. It wasn’t that I was sleepy. It was that I’d been in labour for 33 hours and was recovering from an emergency Caesarian section….my mind couldn’t think. But more than that, my eyes were involuntarily closing. As much as I wanted them to stay open.
Tonight my eyes are still open, but involuntarily. This week has been so difficult, in so many ways I cannot tell you right now. I am not tired. I am spent. Done. Like a dinner.
But, my eyes are still open, just in case my family need me. I’m here.
Eyes. Wide. Open.