It has to be said, that there are many interesting ways to pi*s off a writer. I should know. I am both a writer and a reviewer, a blogger and a PR, a Mum and a lover…yes the first example is almost as crazy as the last.
I know how to not merely peeve a writer. I know how to really, thoroughly annoy the crap out of him or her. And I have done it so well. In the unlikely situation that you should need to get on the wrong side of a writer, I’ve compiled a handy how-to guide….
1. Set the scene – It’s late at night, your eyes are burning with not yet congealed sleep and you are racing against the clock to get this review done. If we were really laying on the paint in setting this scene, there would be a beggar in rags at your window standing in the 6 foot snow drift, and you would be stressed by the urgent need to earn 1/4 p per word to feed your family.
But it’s the 21st century, so let’s not be silly.
It’s late. You’re tired. Your eyes are sore.
That’s all that’s required, surely. The rest is overblown prose. Tell a writer he’s written overblown prose and that’s your first way to piss off a writer.
2. Add insult to injury – You’ve requested this review and received a review copy for that express purpose. You’ve enjoyed the book but there are a couple of niggles – differences in point of view, that sort of thing – that you want to include with your review, so that it expresses your true real perspective. That’s ok, that’s expected. Whatever you do, DON’T leave the grey shades of opinion out, doing so will render the review colourless. Or worse, untrustworthy.
3. Don’t read the book – or worse read it and compare it to an author the writer doesn’t like very much. “Oh this book Fifty Shades, about BDSM reads like it belongs in the dodgy end of the Mills & Boon fold.”
That won’t endear you to the writer.
4. Stir that pot – Really get stuck in and stir that pot of boiling insult, or not. In fact the best way of being insulting is by not actually saying anything at all. There is surely nothing worse than NOT being talked about as Oscar Wilde so brilliantly put it: -
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
5. Commit the cardinal sin – Get the writer’s name wrong.
Call Vicki, Victoria, or Liza, Lisa. Call this blog Vegemite-mix as a well known media company did, to my face in a YouTube video.
I understand it’s easy to do, even political celebs can get confused. As Mitt Romney did, between own first name and your second name.
“I’m Mitt Romney—and yes Wolf, that’s also my first name.” —Mitt Romney, getting his own name wrong (his first name is “Willard,” and his middle name is “Mitt”)
Or, you could simply do as I did, last night on this blog.
And write a review about the excellent travel book Ka Mate – Travels around New Zealand, and call the author, Dan Coxon, Dave.
Not once, but three times.
As I did. In my Book Corner Review here.
And then have that post with the wrong name spilt like guilty blood all over the Twitter and Google +Even favourited by one or two tweeps, and shared on Google +
Bugger, sorry Dave.
love and hugs,
Image: Flickr CC