The gift that keeps on giving

I should have thought it through.

You know when you go out and hunt for the perfect Valentine’s present and you find it so you buy it? Completely forgetting that there are approximately 60 something more Valentine’s Days to celebrate with your husband.

Yeah. That. That was last year’s gift.

So, obviously after buying the perfect gift that keeps on giving, I am now at a loss as what on earth I can buy for my Englishman this year. Somehow a measly box of chocolates looks a tad cheap.  Valentine’s is next week and I don’t have anything in mind for the romantic one.

So, I did what 99% of you out there have done, or are about to do if you’re running late on it, like me – I consulted with the experts, and typed:

Valentines Day gifts for him

into Google.

First up was this enticing number -

All I can say to that is thank God it’s winter time and not the height of bug season. I’m certain a pouch full of ants wouldn’t be that romantic. Mind you, I don’t think the creator has given it due consideration. Is the product fit for purpose? I say no. There is nothing sexy or erotic about pubic hairs matted together with sugary drool.

For something a little tamer I considered this one.

 

A little something for his desk at work, to remind him of me. Yes, I’m the one that actually knows what the vacuum cleaner looks like. With this on his desk every time he looks up from his work he will be reminded of me – the scrubber at home!

Somehow that doesn’t sound so romantic to me.

But then men aren’t really into romance are they? They’re more practical. Would this be more helpful?

With this on the side.

Nothing seemed to have the right je ne sais quoi… nothing seemed to be quite as perfect as last year’s gift. I schlepped through page after page of manly treats presented to me by Google – blow up girlfriends (I hear Prince Harry has one), nipple pasta, bondage gear in vanilla (I didn’t know they came in flavours! I’m such an innocent) and unusually shaped, unfeasibly large boys toys.

Couldn’t find anything to suit. Nada.

I had a similar problem last year until in a moment of pure genius I hit upon the purrfect present – an Ocicat we named Monteith (Monty for short).

Of course Monty is a lovely fur baby full of trouble. He’s quite big now – think, the size of a small jaguar – and continues to delight with his generous nature. He brings in special little treats and lays them at my Englishman’s feet. Birds mainly, but I expect he’ll bring in a full sized wildebeast some day soon. He truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

What on earth can I buy to compete with that, this year?

Feeling down I decided to give it one last go. This time I typed the following search phrase into Google

Perfect Valentines gift for husband.

The first hit was this lovely set from M&S. I agree it is perfect, but for me, not him. It could be a little small for him?

 

What is your perfect Valentine’s Day gift?

Where to buy:

Candy knob pouch

http://www.prezzybox.com/candy-posing-pouch.aspx

Desktop reminder of his scrubber

http://www.valentinesgift.co.uk/gifts/gifts-for-him-73/desktop-henry-vacuum-cleaner-2638.html

Farting in bed self-help book

http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/cure-for-farting-in-bed.html

Haynes car air freshener

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Haynes-air-freshener-VW-Golf/dp/B0045HVVJI/ref=sr_1_20?ie=UTF8&qid=1328624155&sr=8-20

Naughty knickers set you can buyhere

http://www.marksandspencer.com/Collette-Dinnigan-Spot-Guipure-Lace/dp/B005LKPK04?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_12&nodeId=1568181031&sr=1-12&qid=1328629056&pf_rd_r=0BPM59WG4CN9JVJNDYPF&pf_rd_m=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_i=1568181031&pf_rd_p=215570647&pf_rd_s=related-items-3

 

 

Tagged as: expat family, expat Kiwi in UK, funny, gifts for him, google search, New Zealander in UK, Valentines