I once thought cold meant putting a cardy on. Or switching to the winter duvet.
I don't need a straitjacket, honest, I just need one of these.
I didn’t realise cold meant frozen dog poo in the garden, missing digits and toes and the onset of insanity. I’d iced cakes (and de-iced them when the icing was less than exemplary), but I’d never de-iced my car before. The first morning I needed to do it before driving up the M3 to work, I took it on the chin like the big girl I am.
I cried.
Then I threw a tanty, and when I was late to work I muttered about catastrophic pile-ups on the motorway. Due to the ICE! Of course. And I changed my screen saver to that passive-aggressive picture of a turquoise beach with golden sands as if to say ‘bugger you Blighty’ this is my homeland.
That was three and a half years ago now and I’ve learnt a few more things about coping in the cold. Or at least I thought I had, until Tuesday evening at 5.30pm when I realised that actually the cold was making me nuts!
I’m going to share with you now the evidence I have of this alarming realisation.
Exhibit A
My sunshine comes in a bottle.
I should really be taking it in a bikini. With a Mojito. On a beach
Like thousands of others I find the cold, dark days of winter leave me severely Vitamin D depleted and this worsens my tendency to depression. I now take my sunshine in a handy spray that tastes like peppermint. Fussy, I know, but I do prefer the old fashioned way – In a swimsuit, on a beach, with a Mojito!
Exhibit B
In the showdown between cleaning my house and going for a run, I chose …..cleaning my house. I even told myself that vacuuming was great cardio and that putting the shopping away was excellent for building biceps. I lied to myself, simply because I was too chicken to go out in the cold!
And if that isn’t enough evidence for you, and those who know me know how much I loathe housework, here’s the piece de resistence in my case.
Exhibit C
Gimme a kiss!
On Tuesday evening as I was waiting to turn into the supermarket carpark, with my little toe cryogenically frozen and my grey matter addled by the chill, I did something completely nuts. A truck coming towards me slowed down and flashed his lights at me. In the UK, that is the symbol for ‘giving right of way’ (in NZ and Australia it’s the universal symbol for ‘quick get outta here the fuzz is down the road’). I was sooooo grateful, that I didn’t just flash (my lights) back, or even raise a demure but thankful finger, oh no…. in broad daylight in front of a never-ending row of traffic and a fair few onlookers waiting to cross, I blew the truckie a kiss!
Like Marilyn might. Or Miss Piggy after a feast of oysters.
Or even a Kiwi whose brain has started to shut down with the cold.
Does extreme weather cause you to go a little bit nuts too, or is it just me?
Image:FlickrCC
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmazzola1/
I once thought cold meant putting a cardy on. Or switching to the winter duvet.
[caption id="attachment_4615" align="alignright" width="182" caption="I don't need a straitjacket, honest, I just need one of these."][/caption]
I didn't realise cold meant frozen dog poo in the garden, missing digits and toes and the onset of insanity. I'd iced cakes (and de-iced them when the icing was less than exemplary), but I'd never de-iced my car before. The first morning I needed to do it before driving up the M3 to work, I took it on the chin like the big girl I am.
I cried.
Then I threw a tanty, and when I was late to work I muttered about catastrophic pile-ups on the motorway. Due to the ICE! Of course. And I changed my screen saver to that passive-aggressive picture of a turquoise beach with golden sands as if to say 'bugger you Blighty' this is my homeland.
That was three and a half years ago now and I've learnt a few more things about coping in the cold. Or at least I thought I had, until Tuesday evening at 5.30pm when I realised that actually the cold was making me nuts!
I'm going to share with you now the evidence I have of this alarming realisation.
Exhibit A
My sunshine comes in a bottle.
[caption id="attachment_4616" align="aligncenter" width="174" caption="I should really be taking it in a bikini. With a Mojito. On a beach"][/caption]
Like thousands of others I find the cold, dark days of winter leave me severely Vitamin D depleted and this worsens my tendency to depression. I now take my sunshine in a handy spray that tastes like peppermint. Fussy, I know, but I do prefer the old fashioned way - In a swimsuit, on a beach, with a Mojito!
Exhibit B
In the showdown between cleaning my house and going for a run, I chose .....cleaning my house. I even told myself that vacuuming was great cardio and that putting the shopping away was excellent for building biceps. I lied to myself, simply because I was too chicken to go out in the cold!
And if that isn't enough evidence for you, and those who know me know how much I loathe housework, here's the piece de resistence in my case.
Exhibit C
[caption id="attachment_4617" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Gimme a kiss!"][/caption]
On Tuesday evening as I was waiting to turn into the supermarket carpark, with my little toe cryogenically frozen and my grey matter addled by the chill, I did something completely nuts. A truck coming towards me slowed down and flashed his lights at me. In the UK, that is the symbol for 'giving right of way' (in NZ and Australia it's the universal symbol for 'quick get outta here the fuzz is down the road'). I was sooooo grateful, that I didn't just flash (my lights) back, or even raise a demure but thankful finger, oh no.... in broad daylight in front of a never-ending row of traffic and a fair few onlookers waiting to cross, I blew the truckie a kiss!
Like Marilyn might. Or Miss Piggy after a feast of oysters.
Or even a Kiwi whose brain has started to shut down with the cold.
Does extreme weather cause you to go a little bit nuts too, or is it just me?
Image:FlickrCC
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmazzola1/
Tagged as:
expat life in UK,
expats,
funny,
humour,
Kiwi blogger,
travel blogger
