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The Trouble Is…

by Vicki Jeffels on February 22, 2011

In the early hours of this morning my body writhed in bed and I called out in anguish. Ribbons of emotion bedecking the velvet darkness of an early morning.

Christchurch cathedral

My Englishman rolled over and soothed me, rousing me with kind words and an authoritive shake.

“You’re ok. You’re having a nightmare”, he said kindly.

I softly spoke words that said ‘I understand. I am dreaming.’

I will wake soon. The blackness will lift from around my neck and I will fall free from strangulation. The  determined gloved fingers of velvet fear – all rich darkness and steel murderous intent – will lift from my lilly white neck.

I’m shaking and sweating as I wake. Half asleep, other worldly I am uncertain of where I am. Which way is up? What is real? Will it be over soon?

Will  rays of sunshine lift me on silver wings into the light when dawn comes?

There has been too much trouble. Too much pain. Too much sadness. I crave light, and colour and hope. When one bad thing after another happens we start to feel paranoid, as if soon it will be our turn for tears to fall. I shook my head hoping the images of the night terrors would fall as scales from my eyes.

The blind-folded fates are unwittingly cruel. They know not where they cut.

As I came too from my dreams of hell in my warm bedroom in Hampshire a world away a small city, a Garden city in Godzone was blinking back the fear of a cruel darkness that eclipsed the daylight sun.

Again, an earthquake has ripped through Christchurch, New Zealand. Many are lost. The city will never be the same. How do you help? What can I do? Will prayers to an MIA God, help?

I woke from my nightmare, but some of my countrymen and women, never will.

If you can please donate to http://www.redcross.org.nz or if that link is busy and times out you can also try http://www.grabone.co.nz

Image: http://www.stuff.co.nz

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Tagged as: Christchurch earthquake, disaster, fear, grief, nightmares, terror

  • http://bloggertropolis.blogspot.com/ Steve

    Am watching the news unfold with a heavy, heavy heart.

  • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

    Thank you for your thoughts Steve. NZ just seems to have had so much disaster in recent months.

  • http://caramsfrance.wordpress.com/ Carina

    I woke early this morning as the news broke of this sadness in NZ. So, so sad to watch.

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      Very hard to watch, and even harder to comprehend. Thank you for commenting.

  • Mummy Mania

    It’s so sad. I lived in Christchurch for a wee while and I loved the area round the Cathedral. It;s unbelievable that people went to bed last night and woke up today to such a nightmare. I hope all your loved ones are safe… and my thoughts to all affected.

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      I must admit the photo of the Cathedral got me. I used to hang out there in the courtyard and listen to The Wizard on holidays from Otago University! Thank you for commenting. xx

  • Claire Nelson

    No matter where in the world you are, if your people are hurting, you hurt with them. I don’t know if this is something special that one feels from a country as small and close-knit as New Zealand, or whether this is the same for everyone, but I know that despite this earthquake not directly affecting me or anyone I know, I am grieving today.

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      I don’t know if it is just that we are close-knit as Kiwis, but I always feel this wrench, like an invisable chord that tugs me when disaster strikes at home.

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  • Becky

    I feel so sad. This has hit me hard, I think because I have lived in CHristchurch, and I can see the streets, and the buildings in my head which have fallen with the quake. New Zealanders are strong people, and I know they will do whatever they need to do, to help the people of Christchurch.
    B:)

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      I’m an Aucklander too but I used to hang out in Christchurch when I was a student and then when I was working I’d often be down there on business. You are right, New Zealanders are strong people. We persevere, it’s what we do.

  • Deer Baby

    Such terrible, terrible scenes and stories coming out of Christchurch. My thoughts are with all the people of New Zealand and especially Christchurch. xx

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      Thank you so much for your thoughts and for writing them here. It is heart-breaking to see the devastation. xx

  • http://dancinginbarefeet.blogspot.com/ Penny

    Absolutely gutted :( So so heartbreaking to watch. 75 dead now and 300 missing. Such a helpless feeling. Hope you don’t have any family and friends directly affected Vicki.

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      Thank you Penny for commenting. It’s so hard to know what to do from such a distance. You find yourself wanting to be glue d to the TV, internet, Twitter – any media source that has information. It feels horrible, almost voyeuristic. I am fortunate in that my immediate family are in AUstralia and most of my friends are in the north. I have friends and family of friends who have been lost, and their disbelief and despair is heartbreaking.

  • http://mymumdom.com/ Jacq

    I’m not from Christchurch, I’m a North Islander and only ever visited the city twice but I feel just as sad about this as I did about 9/11. I feel like a bit of a rubbernecker but have been checking on the news all day. Terrible :(

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      thank you Jacq for your comments. I know what you mean, I want to know what’s happening and have information and yet I feel useless. I felt weird about writing this, because I wanted to write something and yet I wish that I had woken this morning and the news from NZ had not been so terribly bad and I could have written something funny and light. I just can’t write light and funny when I feel shocked as I do.

  • http://www.andthenallithoughtaboutwasyou.com Kerry

    I feel for everyone involved there and around the world. Thought and prayers to all xx

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      Thank you Kerry for your thoughts and prayers, they are truly treasured. xx

  • Mrs Woog

    Totallly bloody shocking. x

  • http://www.muddlingalongmummy.com Muddling Along

    Its awful to watch and I’m a degree removed having only travelled through Christchurch once

    Thinking of all Kiwis at this time xxx

  • http://whiskeyforaftershave.com/2011/02/15/its-about-that-time-isnt-it/ JallieDaddy

    I was born in Christchurch & lived there for half my life: the death & destruction there just breaks my heart. Luckily the family I have there are unharmed, but others weren’t so lucky. Just awful

    • http://www.vegemitevix.com vix

      So pleased your family and loved ones are safe. It is awful, Kiwis around the world are grieving this week.

  • http://www.cherishedbyme.com CherishedByMe

    Thinking of you and your family and friends. X

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=635786376 Jo Gillespie

    I lost a friend in that one. And my best friend lost her house. They’re still hurting down there, even after a year…

    • vegemitevix

      Oh I am so sorry to hear that Jo. I know they are still suffering there, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to be constantly rocked by earthquakes and aftershooks.

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