This is Susie from Newdaynewlesson. Vicki so graciously offered me her blog to post this poem. I did not want to post it on my site because of privacy issues.
We had a tragedy occur yesterday in our family. My husband’s sister in law’s parents were in a very bad car accident. The mother was killed and the father will be okay but is for now hospitalized with three broken ribs. We know them well because we often spend holidays together by my brother in law and sister in law.
My sister in law has a brother living in my community whom we are friendly with as well. She also had a brother who died at age 13 from a brain tumor and her mother was now buried next to him. As soon as I got the call about the accident, I made my way from the hospital I work at to the hospital the father was hospitalized in order to see what I could help with.
In Judaism, we try to bury our dead on the same day they pass away in respect for the deceased. In Israel, if the burial is in the Jerusalem area they will also bury at any time of the day. In other parts of the country if it is past sundown, they wait for the next morning. The funeral was last night at 10pm. It was dark, quiet and surreal. And very sad.
In Israel, bodies are generally buried without a coffin. (Only in special instances are coffins used.) The body is completely covered in a shroud from head to toe. During the eulogies the body is placed on a stretcher at the front of the room. It is difficult because you see the outline of the person’s body.
When they bring the body out for the eulogies, something called keriya is done. The lapel of the mourners shirts are ripped. On the left side (side of the heart) when it is a parent you are mourning. On the right side for a sibling, child or spouse.
After the eulogies there is a procession to the grave with a Rabbi saying psalms. The burial is difficult because the body is buried in a standing/slanted position. It is eased into the grave and then covered with dirt. Anyone present can help fill in the grave. The mourner’s prayer is said by the males in mourning.
For seven days there is mourning. The mourners are served food. They sit on low chairs. They wear non leather shoes. For seven days friends and family come to the house of the deceased to offer comfort to the mourners. It is a time when you see a sense of community as people take care of all your needs.
For more details you can have a look here
Below is something I wrote when I came home from the funeral.
____________
The phone rings.
An urgent voice at the other end.
“It’s an emergency.”
“There has been a horrible accident.”
Time stops still.
Yet your stomach drops.
The lump in your throat.
The accelerated beat of your heart.
His wife’s parents had been in a crash.
Her mother from this world has passed.
Her father is injured and in the ER.
They are on their way, but still so far.
What I am feeling is of no consequence.
What they are feeling, there is no way to mend.
One sibling holding it together.
The other coming apart.
The same, yet different.
Both with painful hearts.
Their mother has been taken away so suddenly.
They now watch their father breathe so very painfully.
Things are occurring in a haze and a blur.
Decisions need to be made.
But of the right choice no is sure.
Time moves in slow motion around those grieving.
But outside that bubble the clock is furiously ticking.
The burial needs to take place as soon as can be.
To honor the dead and let the mourning proceed.
The children and grandchildren
And scores of family and friends
Come to help her on her last journey
Next to the son she had lost to be put to rest.
Beautiful words are spoken.
Many tears shed.
Hugs and kisses are exchanged.
The difficult part is still ahead.
Seven days to honor and remember and grieve.
Seven days to detach from daily grind and just be.
Seven days that teach you to appreciate life and love.
Seven days to help you deal with your heavy heart.
Seven days that teach you about strength and pain.
Seven days to absorb that things will never be the same.
Seven days to be surrounded and cared for by those you love.
Seven days to process the hole in your life from your loss.
It’s never easy to say good bye.
Especially when there was no warning or time.
Life goes on, and days turn to weeks and then months.
But for seven days, the only thing you do.
Is to detach and grieve and remember.
That a mother’s love lives on forever.
As we say in hebrew to the deceased: “Yehi Zichreich Baruch”, may your memory be blessed.
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http://www.newdaynewlesson.com/
