Crap guru

I am a bad guru.

Embarrassingly I have been asked to help various folk with their websites/blogs and their SEO (stands for Something Everybody’s Over!) and I’ve helped.

I’ve even figured out how to do a 301 redirect from Blogger to this blog! Cool eh? They said it couldn’t be done. Oh quick word of advice to all those thinking about moving from Blogger to WordPress, please don’t leave it until you’ve posted lots of posts, or you’ll cry. There will definately be tears before bedtime!

BUT

I cannot get the Technocrati people to index this blog! Nor can I get Post Rank or Google blogsearch to pick up all those beautiful inlinks I once had. All my Postrank posts from sometime in March onwards are scored 1. They’re not, they’re not!! Where’s all my beautiful social engagement with lovely people on Twitter gone? Posts like SO Bloody Unromantic, that everyone loved, a mere 1. Of course because this blog isn’t rated it also wasn’t covered in the Tots100. That’s not the end of the world as we know it, but it is an explanation. It’s difficult to be counted as a top blog when Google blogsearch says you have one inlink.

I am a guru failure.

I have been in techno hell all day. It’s not nice ‘down there’. Maybe God (Google)  isn’t speaking to me after all, after that how-to-self-love post?

I’ve been hunting down broken links (and killing them good n proper!) and reading up on feed errors and Google dislike, and the scrap between Google and WordPress blogs. It’s a cracker that story, like the one about Satan falling from heaven.

I feel psychologically battered after spending a day considering my technological navel.

Have I fixed it? Er, don’t know. Like all great mysteries time will tell.

Of course I want to add that what I’ve been trying to do in the fiddling about in the technological bowels of discomfort is quite tricky really and that’s why I’ve found it so difficult to actually get it done. I could throw in some techno-babble and wow you all (bore you witless) with my genius.

I want to add that, but it would be a big fat lie.

This guru is a crap guru. I’m not ‘into crap’, I mean, I’m a shite guru.

Why are all our negative descriptors in the English language reminiscent of pooh?

But I have decided that it isn’t going to stop me offering my help to those in need.

I will continue to help out at Muddling Along Mummy’s Technophile’s club (if they still want me *wince*), and I will still put up my lifesaver’s badge in the sidebar.

If you need a hand with your WordPress blog – either the writing or the techy stuff – then I’m your gal. If you need to talk to someone about stats (yes I know it’s like talking about technological STDs!) I can help to decode some of it for you. Got a problem trying to ‘do stuff’ but too embarrassed to tell anyone? Pick me, I can help.

Maybe you’re really embarrassed about stats but want to know ‘what’s good anyway?’…. You could always drop me an anonymous comment below…

Send me an emai, leave me a comment below, or click on the badge (it’ll be up later after I’ve feed the tribe) and I’ll attempt to help you. After all, being a crap guru means that whatever techno hell you’ve managed to get yourself into, I’ve been there already. Yeah. And I’ve figured out how to get out of it, or I will pull out every single one of my nose hairs until I save you from the mire, my friend. I promise. I won’t talk in big scary words, (mainly because I don’t know any) and I’ll try and translate where I can (I did Latin once too you know..) into common speak!

I reckon teachers teach best what they need to learn.

Don’t you?

So what do you need to know from the Crap guru?

Image: Flickr Creative Commons
by emdot

  • bakingmadmama

    I used the WordPress webmaster tools verification thing on WordPress.com (am not self hosted). Pasted in the meta code from Google webmaster and verified it on there?

  • http://bakingmadmama.com Baking Mad Mama

    I need help please! I’m having the same problem with Google blogsearch – only one link to the site is showing up. I submitted a site map yesterday so don’t know if that might help? If you can offer any advice I’d be so grateful. Great post!

    • vegemitevix

      yes a sitemap should/will help but it depends how you put together your sitemap. Did you use a plugin or external progamme?

      • http://bakingmadmama.com Baking Mad Mama

        I used the WordPress webmaster tools verification thing on WordPress.com (am not self hosted). Pasted in the meta code from Google webmaster and verified it on there?

  • vegemitevix

    Knock knock Disqus darling, are you there?

  • bakingmadmama

    I need help please! I'm having the same problem with Google blogsearch – only one link to the site is showing up. I submitted a site map yesterday so don't know if that might help? If you can offer any advice I'd be so grateful. Great post!

  • vegemitevix

    Knock knock Disqus darling, are you there?

  • vegemitevix

    yes a sitemap should/will help but it depends how you put together your sitemap. Did you use a plugin or external progamme?

  • http://newdaynewlesson.com/ Susie @ Newdaynewlesson

    is disqus any better this morning?

    • vegemitevix

      It should be fine there was a wee problem with a comment but not at Disqus’ end.

  • http://newdaynewlesson.com/ Susie @ Newdaynewlesson

    is disqus any better this morning?

  • vegemitevix

    It should be fine there was a wee problem with a comment but not at Disqus' end.

  • http://www.muddlingalongmummy.com/ Muddling Along

    You’re not a crap guru – you’re suffering through this horrid technology like the rest of us

    And that’s why we want you in the Technophobes Gang

  • http://www.muddlingalongmummy.com/ Muddling Along Mummy

    You're not a crap guru – you're suffering through this horrid technology like the rest of us

    And that's why we want you in the Technophobes Gang

  • IotaM

    What’s this thing, FTP, that Blogger is warning about? If I don’t do something about it by May 1st, I will be in trouble. I haven’t even looked at the help page that it directs me to. Should I be scared? Or should I stop being so lazy, go and read the help page, and then come back and ask you if I have any further questions?

    • vegemitevix

      Hi, Blogger is warning that you need to move your site to either blogspot or a self-hosted url. Having just gone through a huge process of migrating to a self-hosted WordPress blog from Blogger, I’d reccommend that you seriously consider going for a self-hosted or WordPress site or self-hosted/WordPress site. Don’t be scared the instructions are straight forward. Just always remember to make a copy of your blog as it stands before you try to move it anywhere. I did have a blogging friend whose new site died on her after she made a wee mistake, but thankfully the back-up file was there so it was relatively straight forward to fix.

      Have a read through of the instructions Blogger give you and if I can help explain anything further give me a shout!!

      • IotaM

        How do you make a back-up copy of your blog?

        Thanks so much for the advice.

  • IotaM

    What's this thing, FTP, that Blogger is warning about? If I don't do something about it by May 1st, I will be in trouble. I haven't even looked at the help page that it directs me to. Should I be scared? Or should I stop being so lazy, go and read the help page, and then come back and ask you if I have any further questions?

  • vegemitevix

    Hi, Blogger is warning that you need to move your site to either blogspot or a self-hosted url. Having just gone through a huge process of migrating to a self-hosted WordPress blog from Blogger, I'd reccommend that you seriously consider going for a self-hosted or WordPress site or self-hosted/WordPress site. Don't be scared the instructions are straight forward. Just always remember to make a copy of your blog as it stands before you try to move it anywhere. I did have a blogging friend whose new site died on her after she made a wee mistake, but thankfully the back-up file was there so it was relatively straight forward to fix.

    Have a read through of the instructions Blogger give you and if I can help explain anything further give me a shout!!

  • IotaM

    How do you make a back-up copy of your blog?

    Thanks so much for the advice.

  • IotaM

    How do you make a back-up copy of your blog?

    Thanks so much for the advice.

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