Once upon a time in a country, far far away there was a lovely princess. 
She was an ok princess physically, but lovely in every other way. She met Shrek when he moved into her two beddy flat in Auckland and one night after studiously working through a bottle of port, Shrek and the princess decided to get together. In the biblical sense.
After eighteen months of living in sin and avoiding churches they finally married in the little church on the hill by the main road. At first the princess and Shrek decided to concentrate on their careers.
The princess had a big career and was very busy being a clever business chick. Shrek was getting on his feet with his career although worryingly not on top of his health. That was a problem – as he was a diabetic and very overweight. But there was love in the house and the princess looked past the green skin and the hanging belly, just as Shrek looked past the princess’s many imperfections.
After a few years a concern arose that if they didn’t make Shrek babies they could run out of time (and fertility). The princess decided that she would put her career on the back boiler for a while and popped out three little babies over the next eight years. The little Shrek babies were extremely cute, when they weren’t poohing and puking.
Time passed and the magic disappeared from the kingdom. The enchanted kingdom turned into a nightmare swamp. No one was happy – not the princess, nor the three little Shrek babies, not even Shrek himself. The time came when the pair parted. At first the princess hoped for an amicable separation, she thought after all that everyone had been so unhappy before that it was a chance for a new life and to regain happiness, for all of them. It wasn’t to be. Shrek was hurt and vengeful.
The three little shrek babies stayed with the Princess and Shrek moved out to a nearby flat. The Princess, being a child of divorce herself, was desperate for Shrek to develop a relationship with his children. She figured that if the children spent every other weekend at Shrek’s then they had a chance of actually reviving a relationship with their father – a chance they hadn’t had when the family were all living together.
Shrek’s focus was elsewhere. He had developed something of a career and he responded to the Princess by tellng her that:
‘I’m terribly busy and cannot look after the children..’ and ‘I don’t want to babysit the kids so you can screw around town!’
Yes, things had changed.
So the Princess continued on, looking after all three growing children on her own, and going back out to work and rebuilding her life. She took on work that fitted in with the children’s school and timetable. After all, if they only had one involved parent, that parent better be involved, right? She ignored the horrible emails and the general harrassment and hoped that Shrek would get over it, eventually.
Writing about locks and hinges is not the most exciting work, but the Princess could do it at home and around the kids. Meanwhile Shrek’s career was going well. Bonuses and BMW’s appeared. New technology and trips to Jamaica (from NZ!!) spiced up Shrek’s life, as did stints working in Europe for months at a time.
When the Princess told Shrek that she was intending to move to the UK to be with her new partner, the gorgeous Englishman, and that the kids had decided to come with her, Shrek (rather surprisingly) didn’t object. He agreed that it would be a great opportunity for his children. He agreed that he’d be in Europe anyway and that living in a family situation was preferable for the kids, than living with a stressed out single mother!
So the Princess moved and all was well, for a time. The Princess paid for the kids to visit Shrek in Germany (Shrek didn’t pay a penny!) and encouraged the children to Skype him. Shrek found he was too busy to call regularly.
Time moved on and Shrek’s career continued upwards until he reached the lofty position of Managing Director of a finance company. (Oh the irony!) The Princess unfortunately was made redundant and restricted from working for an entire year whilst the UK Border Agency sorted out her visa.
One day, without warning, Shrek stopped paying any child support for his three children. The Englishman (God bless him!) provided for the Princess and her three children for nine months with no income from Shrek at all and of course no income from the princess herself.
Finally in November after a review the NZ Child Support agency decided that Shrek should pay something. Shrek cried ‘foul’ saying the kids were in Europe and he was now in NZ and (sob sob) couldn’t see them as often as he wanted. Despite not Skype-ing or ringing and forgetting birthdays he was missing his children…
……the same children he was too busy to see in Auckland when he lived around the corner.
Instead of proving child support, he paid for the children to fly to NZ for Christmas where he showered them with gifts (laptops etc) and generally spent loads of money on them. The money he told the authorities he didn’t have to provide for child support.
The NZ Child Supprt Agency decided that in their bureaucratic view, it was far more important that Shrek’s rights as a father were upheld, (to see them face to face, despite the lack of contact and involvement in their day to day lives!) than the children’s rights to have an economic situation that ensures a roof over their head and food on their table. They also decided to accept Shrek’s view of his earnings despite acknowledging that as he was self-employed he could fudge the figures to appear as if he was not earning much at all!
The financial world has been in crisis, but there are still very few finance company MDs earning peanuts. And peanut-earning MDs don’t usually live in the most expensive suburb, give their children laptops for Christmas or drive around in BMWs. Nor do they holiday in Australia whilst telling the children he has no money to provide them with child support!
This Princess feels completely rorted. (And more than a little panicky!!) She is trying her absolute best to find an income that can provide for her children without their father’s support! She’s absolutely gutted that Shrek can do this to her children, the children he once loved. She’s wondered whether she needs to send the children back to live with Shrek as she simply cannot afford to provide for them here in the UK! But she’d miss them. And they don’t want to go. She has been sick with stress over the past year trying to make ends meet and do the best by everyone.
Why can’t there be more common sense in the way child support is calculated and administered? Why isn’t there some kind of reciprocal agreement between the UK and NZ?
Do they really have the children’s best interests at heart?
I don’t think so. What do you think?
Unlike the majority of fairytales, this one does not have a happy ending.
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